"one's fortune is another's misfortune" ~

Have you ever ate your own tears?
Is that even possible?
What's the taste of it?
My asnwer is "Yes, yes, and salty."

I got off school today at 7pm, I have been on campus since 9am this morning. I'm tired, exhausted and depressed. On the bus on my way back home, I couldn't stop myself from reviewing the torture the day gave me. For the whole day and the day before, I stressed myself out of the amount of money i needed to pay for tuition, books and "additional student fees (clinic fees). Student loans covered most of it but left $5000 out. What was I suppose to do? I ended up going to school 6 days a week. That only gave me one day for part-time work. I couldn't magically make money appear in front of me. Loaning was out of the option, since interest was way too much for me to pay afterward. There goes my dreams of going to Japan down the drain.

As I sat in that 30min long bus ride, I kept thinking of my money problem, and thought about how fortunate my friend was, able to go to Japan for a whole month and still have money to study aboard. Why I am so much more different than he is? Why is it that I have money problem and he doesn't? Pondering this by myself, I noticed I was keeping myself from crying. Life is horrible. I held back my tears until I got home. Before me was a wonderful dinner my mom cooked and my stomach was growling because I haven't ate anything today (eating on campus is too expensive). And before I knew it, I started crying. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore, it was too much. So i ate as tears dropped down on to my food. At the same time I chewed and tried to swallow my food, it became painful eating between my sniffles. My esophagus couldn't handle food coming down and air trying to reach the lungs at the same time.
It was probably the most painful dinner I ever had. Probably one of the worst too, because I could think of was quickly finish eating so my parents don't see me crying.
Yes I live with my parents. So why don't I asked them for money? Well, if they had the money, I wouldn't be stressing out right now?

It hurts a lot when you see something you have dreamed of, for a long time, not being about to obtain. It's right there in front of your eyes. You can see it.
But your hands are tied down, preventing you from touching it.
When you try to walk towards it.
Your legs are chained a boulder ten times your size. On the boulder had "money" craved on it.
What could I do in this situation?
Cry. That's all I could do. Just cry. Cry and think of how pitiful I am. How restricted I was. And do nothing as you see friends living lives different from yours and all you can do is just be jealous of them.

.............................money is a misfortune to me.
.............................money to my friend is a fortune.
what more can I say?