Moving~

I suddenly started reminiscing my childhood.
It could be considered as a typical childhood. Growing up with friends, studying hard, going to average-ranked high school. I, myself is a very ordinary person. Not the brightest but not the most dull knife in the drawer.

Like or unlike most people, I grew up in a small neighborhood in the outskirts of Richmond, B.C. As I went in high school, everyone referred to that neighborhood as the "Hamilton Area". Thus, I started calling it the Hamilton area (named because of the Hamilton elementary school situated in the neighborhood). I remembered very clearly in my mind the usual route I would take to go to school. My house was built in front of a mini park, so every morning I would cross the park and walk across across a crosswalk. As I continued my walk, a tiny bridge would allow access across an opened sewer to a small cluster of houses. As I made my way across the bridge and got into the middle of the small cluster of houses, my subconscious will automatically tell me to turn left and continue my way to school. After a 3 minute walk, I would be faced with another crosswalk. Just immediately in front of me would be what was considered as Richmond's newest elementary school (the building itself is newest of all the other elementary, during that time anyways). As I cross the crosswalk and made my way to the school grounds, to my left is a small playground where usually the kindergarten children will play before the start of class. As I made my way up the stairs that took me to the main foyer of the school, I can see the community center and the gym on my left, while on my right was the tiny library.
On each side of the library was two different halls that took separated the lower grades from the higher grades students.

In the surrounding area of the school was a small mini mall. There, a pizza parlor, hair salon, supermarket, two restaurants, and a bowling alley exists. I remembered back in grade 2, we had a class field trip to the bowling alley; the bowling alley wasn't anything significant and it wasn't even big, but we all had fun. The Chinese restaurant was a usual dining place for me and my family when we didn't have time to cook; the food wasn't bad either. If there was one place I loved the most as a child, it would be the pizza parlor there. Even now, I still think the pizza there is probably the best in all of Vancouver.

As a child, my life revolved around this tiny neighborhood and the ice-rank, movie theater and swimming pool that was 15 minute drive from this neighborhood.

As I got into high school, my high school offered school buses that would take me from the neighborhood to the catchment school near the city center. I was one of the lucky few who got to take a school bus to school everyday. Not many schools in Richmond offered school buses to their students. Although I complained a lot of how the buses were always late while standing in the rain or in the snow. Thinking back, I find it quite enjoyable, because I wasn't the only one waiting for the bus.

Growing up in this neighborhood was truly one of the best memory I have as a child. I was sad to leave it 3 years ago, when my parents decided to move closer to the city center.
Although you might or might no know how the feels. To me, it felt as if everything I knew was forgotten, and I had to start over again.
Although it wasn't painful, it wasn't exactly a happy moment either.

"one's fortune is another's misfortune" ~

Have you ever ate your own tears?
Is that even possible?
What's the taste of it?
My asnwer is "Yes, yes, and salty."

I got off school today at 7pm, I have been on campus since 9am this morning. I'm tired, exhausted and depressed. On the bus on my way back home, I couldn't stop myself from reviewing the torture the day gave me. For the whole day and the day before, I stressed myself out of the amount of money i needed to pay for tuition, books and "additional student fees (clinic fees). Student loans covered most of it but left $5000 out. What was I suppose to do? I ended up going to school 6 days a week. That only gave me one day for part-time work. I couldn't magically make money appear in front of me. Loaning was out of the option, since interest was way too much for me to pay afterward. There goes my dreams of going to Japan down the drain.

As I sat in that 30min long bus ride, I kept thinking of my money problem, and thought about how fortunate my friend was, able to go to Japan for a whole month and still have money to study aboard. Why I am so much more different than he is? Why is it that I have money problem and he doesn't? Pondering this by myself, I noticed I was keeping myself from crying. Life is horrible. I held back my tears until I got home. Before me was a wonderful dinner my mom cooked and my stomach was growling because I haven't ate anything today (eating on campus is too expensive). And before I knew it, I started crying. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore, it was too much. So i ate as tears dropped down on to my food. At the same time I chewed and tried to swallow my food, it became painful eating between my sniffles. My esophagus couldn't handle food coming down and air trying to reach the lungs at the same time.
It was probably the most painful dinner I ever had. Probably one of the worst too, because I could think of was quickly finish eating so my parents don't see me crying.
Yes I live with my parents. So why don't I asked them for money? Well, if they had the money, I wouldn't be stressing out right now?

It hurts a lot when you see something you have dreamed of, for a long time, not being about to obtain. It's right there in front of your eyes. You can see it.
But your hands are tied down, preventing you from touching it.
When you try to walk towards it.
Your legs are chained a boulder ten times your size. On the boulder had "money" craved on it.
What could I do in this situation?
Cry. That's all I could do. Just cry. Cry and think of how pitiful I am. How restricted I was. And do nothing as you see friends living lives different from yours and all you can do is just be jealous of them.

.............................money is a misfortune to me.
.............................money to my friend is a fortune.
what more can I say?